There Is a Point of Turning Back
Original
Rating: PG-13/R? I forget because my character does swear
Warning: Death, Angst
Pairing: Alex Whitmore/ Darren Lively
Summary: I was ostracized by my family because I am gay. I joined the army to prove that I am still me. But why does it hurt to fall in love and lose it all?
Part 1 |
Part 2It was another mission in the forest. The dark danky leaf covered area was now a battleground for us all. We were in a frenzy there were surprise attacks and my whole brigade was freaking out. We took cover as best as we could, the enemy following in closely from behind. There were twenty of us out of fifty.
My legs were beginning to get weary and my arms tired from holding my rifle. I felt strong hands grab onto my arms and drive me forward. I looked back and saw Alex urging me to keep going. And I did.
"I promise you a dinner date when we get the hell out of this place," he said right before we were getting shot at. His face looked so carefree and it made me happy. I looked at him and smiled taking his offer. But now that face was filled with worry and uncertainty like mine was.
We slid into a trench to get cover from the flying bullets. The sound whistling nearby my head, freaking me out even more. The proximity placed my heart at an edge. We all took a breathe and stuck our head up to see where the enemies were. More bullets came flying, I couldnt see anything.
Alex's warm hand gripped on top of mine and I nodded. He let go to grab his rifle. Turning together we did as best as we could to hold them all back. Him fighting side by side with me brought comfort that I would make it out alive. I almost cried when I saw a man ten feet away from me fall to the ground. I found out he died later.
We kept on running after we did as much as we could. I didnt realize we were on a hill. I broke a branch and it slipped out from under my feet. Landing me on my back but then the inclined land brought me down with its strong gravity. I couldnt see where I was rolling. I couldnt hear anything else besides the breaking of the branches near my head.
"Darrin. Darrin." I heard a soft voice so angelic calling to me.
"God?" I hoped for. Maybe I did die and go to heaven already. That fall felt way too long for anyone to experience and live through.
A laugh came. It was mocking me. "Hey, Darrin, wake up," it said to me again this time. A push followed. Suddenly I felt my whole body begin to ache. Okay, so I didnt feel dead. I groaned as I was toughly pulled back to reality. My head began to hurt as I fully opened my eyes. The piercing darkness was enough to make me feel my pupils dilating.
A small light came from above me and following it was Alex's face. I was comforted by the pain paralyzed any movement I tried to make. I shut my eyes tightly and I felt his lips drop to my forehead.
"I thought you were going to be gone," Alex gratefully said to me without letting go. The crusted fatigues that he had worn were under my neck and his hard arm muscles were pressing against me.
"What happened?" was the simplest thing I could say. My mouth was too dry to say anything else. I didnt really care for what happened though. As long as Alex was near me, I was glad.
Alex looked around before answering me. I distinctly saw his shadow shrug. "I dont know," his words followed. "We fell deep down though. We wont know much until the morning though. I think its been awhile since we've fallen. Maybe an hour or two?" I forced myself up from him. The pain shooting throughout my body. I felt his arm wrap around my shoulder as I stood. Everything looked like it was spinning. I felt the blood rush from my feet up to my head. "Take an easy." He guided me.
"We have to find some shelter," I said my voice dropping down to a whisper. There was only so much my head could process but I knew there was a distinct smell in the air. The low pressure and misty air was coming about. "It is going to rain soon." The air tasted metallic and like fresh grass.
"How do you know?" Alex asked. I swung my finger around indicating the conditions. He understood and shrugged. He didnt understand how I knew but knew to go with it anyways. I felt a pain in my leg as I tried to walk. Alex quickly grabbed me and leaned me against him for a stronger support.
"Either way, it seems like we have to find a cave or something, maybe at least get to some groves that are safe enough from enemy lines," I added on as we walked.
"We dont know where we are even going though."
"We are bound to find something though," I added.
"We cant see where we are going."
"We can, you have your flashlight right?" I asked. The only reason being was that my pack felt lighter. I must have lost some things as I was falling down. We should stay where we were before, but we couldnt take any chances. I took his flashlight as he handed it to me and carefully lit it at the ground. I saw in my sight a small grove. "There." I pointed and smiled at Alex, who was glad I spotted it.
He placed me down carefully on the ground as I looked around when he lit up the place. It was less like a grove now after I saw that beyond the overhanging vines it was more like a small cave. Luckily it didnt go on to far and it wasnt too cramped. I took off my load and leaned against it.
Alex suddenly came up to me and took off my boots for me. I cringed at the feeling but he massaged my leg to ease me. His hands were therapeutic working over my leg and I thought about what else it could do. I shook my head. No.
"You know you never told me about your family," he said to me. I must have looked stunned because when his eyes met mine he had seemed to retreated them back to my leg again.
I tried to laugh it off. "So now you are going to bring this up?" I have to admit it was random that he brought it up now.
He shrugged taking my joke. He put it on pause as he grabbed the gauze and some bengay and did his work. "Well considering we are going to be here for awhile I thought we could talk more. I take an opportunity to stray from my job on occasion." He looked at me again. "If you dont want to talk about it its whatever. I am just a little curious about you."
"Curious?" I raise an eye brow. "About me of all people?" He shrugged as if he didnt know. "I would think you had a man-crush on me." I could only hope. He looked at me coyly and finished bandaging my ankle. I didnt expect him to do anything more so. But then he did. He placed down my leg with great care, trying not to hurt me. He was on his hands and knees edging towards me. I wanted him to do something but I couldnt find the courage to want it. He smiled at me as he moved closer. His leg was in between mine as he placed his hands on the ground near my torso.
My heart beat faster. "Do you want me to be interested in you?" he whispered into my ear. I bit down my lip to the sultry voice he had held. "See if you were trying to hide the fact that you were gay, not pushing me away, doesnt work." I bit down on my lip hard surely enough it would have bled. I couldnt hide anything, not with him. I wanted him was the truth. Despite the fact that he was insufferable at times when he made it always seem like itd be fine when it was the worst. I wanted him to feel me. The way he would kiss me. I shouldnt have ever fantasized about him but I did. "Cat got your tongue?" he taunted. I couldnt answer, his proximity was too much for me. It was like he was taking all of my air away from me. He breathed against me and his warm breath fueled my mind to keep staying awake.
My courage was served to me as he moved closer. No more regrets I suppose. I closed the distance between us. My lips against his. He seemed stunned and unmoving but I kept going. My lips moving over his hard rough lips. My heart beat fast with the passion that I held for him in a long time. Then to my surprise, he parted his lips and his tongue came into my mouth. The taste of him in my mouth surprised me and I wanted it so much more. He tasted so good. He moved up and over me carefully guiding me as if he had done it before. I loved it.
It was like I could feel him moving inside of me. Like it was perfect. His hand moved up to my face and held it steady. His warm hands werent a match for the heat that was coming from my burning face. I was so suprised. My heart continued racing as I continued to kiss him. And he continued to kiss me. But after some time past that felt like an eternity our lips parted from one another and we breathed heavily.
"Was that just to get me to tell you about my life?" I asked with a lopsided smile.
He looked at me and laugh. Then he shook his head. "Its okay if you dont want to tell me. I just wanted to do that so you finally know not be so scared of thinking of me," he said running his hand through his hair.
"Dont be so full of yourself."
"I try not to be but then you do fuel me to do so," he smiled at me. His hand brushed against my cheek. "You have a weak gaydar if you cant tell that I am gay."
I stammered an answer. "I-I-I never bothered to think about that," I managed. "I didnt joined the army for some kind of love."
"Then tell me, why?"
I laughed. "This is a very strange form of manipulation to get an answer Alex," I noted. He shrugged it off with a "I do my best" look. "You dont need to know about me. Compared to you, I am like on a pillar of the best life."
"So what? I want to know," he said back to me.
"Why?"
"Because I love you," he said to me. I was taken aback. His confession was so easy for him. All he had to do was just say it and he made it so true with the firm look on his face. He held my hand. "I mean it. There was always something about you that captivated me. You drew me in. You act so dark and pessimistic but that is what makes it who you are and the best thing is that you dont seem to care. You talk to me so easily about anything and you can listen." He gripped it tighter.
"I never expected this." I admitted. He smiled even more. "But I dont talk about me a lot. I know you know that much. I feel like I can trust you but I dont want to burden you with this. It took me awhile to love find that love you but I didnt want to because I know the price of it."
"There is always a price," he told me. "You should just be willing to pay because I am worth it. I swear." Without my answer he kissed me again. This time more passionately than before. He wanted me as much as I wanted him. He pushed against me wanting me more. And I let him take me. His lips moving over mine and his tongue tracing my lips. The rest of the night we couldnt sleep. I told him everything. That was my price in wanting to let him in: to know all there is to know about me. From the beginning to where we were now.
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I rolled my wheelchair myself out to the backyard to get some fresh air. I saw Sarah and Paige standing a part from one another. Paige looked angry and I couldnt help but to remember like when the two girls were little. Sarah would now try to make her feel better by turning her around and assuring her of something. But now Sarah played with her fingers before moving close to the blonde. My niece placed her head on the other girl's shoulder and wrapped her arms around her waist. Paige seemed to be more relaxed after a moment.
I smiled to myself. They did seem perfect together. Still as always. I had to wonder what Alex and I would have looked like together if we had the opportunity like Paige and Sarah. Surely it would be a little different but then again, it would be okay. I could never have that though.
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I felt an arm around me as I woke up slowly because of the lines of light through the overhanging vines at the entrance. I looked around trying to remember what happened. Right, we must have just dozed off. He is still here I was glad. His calm resting face made me happy. But I got up escaping from his warmth to put on my boots again. My leg felt better. Mustve just been a little sprained.
He stirred and I turned to look at him. "I am awake," he declared. He sat up and went to look outside. "It looks a little early, looks like we can find our way back. And you were right it did rain." He looked back at me with a smile.
Together we walked as far as we could remember before falling down. But we looked up at the highly inclined hill. We had no choice but to go up. He held my hand as we walked up. We both knew that this was the only time we could savor our moment together. In his hands I felt secured and alive. He kept me alive as I came to realize. I was happy when he talked to me even though I acted like I wasnt. I was happy when he would look at me to keep going on even though I acted like I didnt need it. On some level he kept me going even though I kept pushing him away. Maybe his persistance was also something I fell for.
We made it back to a newly set up camp. We were practically jumping for joy as the other men saw us walking up to them. We had let our hands slip a part so no one could see us. We smiled at one another. It was a victory for us to make it through. But that wasnt the end.
Several hours later we were dispatched from the base again. We were to regroup back into the forest. It was obvious because in the distance I saw the trees begin to tremble and fall before the sounds of the explosions reached our ears. It was a mere distraction though. They were attacking us from behind. Our camp was being attacked already. We were barely ready. Luckily most of us got our gear on as we heard the bullets flying at us. I never took my gear off. I held my gun and began to look around frantically at where the bullets were coming from. Everywhere.
I began to run in a direction any. As long as it was near another comrade and I could see the enemy. I saw shots being fired from a nearby shadow of trees. I shot through them hoping to have hit something. An explosion came from the left and the trees shook. Another came from the right. I looked around in circles seeing all of my men run around trying to gain some cover as they shot everywhere. I looked for Alex I couldnt see him.
Then I heard another explosion as I shot at an enemy that appeared 100 ft away. There were no rules or orders to follow now. We had to shoot at what we were trained to know as the enemy. Another explosion came, shaking the ground beneath me. I looked up and saw the truck that we had from well far off, sail through the air in my direction. I watched as it got closer and I ran backwards as fast as I could but I couldnt. It hit the ground and rolled over. In one moment I was standing up but then I saw the ground rushing up to meet me. I felt a sharp pain on my legs for a moment and nothing but numbness. I looked behind me and half of the truck on my legs. I screamed out in pain as I felt its searing hot metal press down with all its weight onto my legs. I began to call for help but none of my men heard me. I kept yelling but no one came.
I pressed my head against the ground as I heard more whistles, bullets, and explosions spilt through the air. My head begun to spin. I couldnt see anything anymore. Everything was so light. I felt the blood being drawn out from me under the truck. I clenched onto the ground for my life. I yelled the last thing I could with all of my heart, "Alex!" I felt the cold dirt against my face.
"Hang in there!" I heard his voice for the first time as though it had been an eternity laying on the cold cold ground. I was ready to die. I was. I had lost all of my hope until I heard Alex' voice telling me to hold on. More bullets came and he went silent. In another second I heard him again. "You still owe me a dinner!" I wanted to laugh but the pain had come back and the numbness was gone. His face appeared next to mine. "Stay awake okay?" he encouraged. I nodded slowly but I knew I couldnt stay awake anymore. I was tired. His hands gripped my face and picked it up. "Stay awake, Darrin!" His voice was loud. "Stay awake!" But my mind was slipping away from his calls. I couldnt hear him anymore. He and I were too far a part.
Part 4![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
electrifyus Glee Fic!Battle Spoilers: Quinn is pregnant. Set after Sectionals I guess 
complacent
busy
apathetic
sick
accomplished
touched
silly
determined
awake
happy
satisfied
tired
sad